Alfa Romeo Milano – and the worst car names ever

The worst car names of all time

The history of cars is filled with bizarre and often bonkers model names. Indeed, the need to come up with new and unique words that work for internet search engines has only accelerated this trend. Asking the public for help has also proved to be problematic – just ask Boaty McBoatface.

So, whether it is relying on focus groups, or trying to be hip and cool, car manufacturers have found names to be a difficult subject.

Here, we nominate some of the worst names from automotive history.

Alfa Romeo Milano

The launch of the very first electric Alfa Romeo is a big deal for the Italian brand, and one likely to upset its faithful fans.

To give Alfa’s new crossover EV the best start in life, the public was asked to help with naming it.

Milano was the chosen name, paying tribute to Alfa Romeo’s home town of Milan. The Milano name was also previously used for the North American version of the Alfa Romeo 75 saloon, launched during the 1980s.

No to Milano

Despite seemingly playing it safe, Alfa Romeo still found itself in a storm over using the Milano name.

The problem? The new EV uses a shared Stellantis platform, and will be built alongside the Jeep Avenger and Fiat 600e in Tychy, Poland.

Adolfo Urso, Italian government minister for business, highlighted the fact that the new Alfa would be built in Poland, not Italy. As a result, Urso said the company was at risk of breaking 2003 legislation, intended to stop Italian-sounding names being applied to foreign-made products.

Meet the Alfa Romeo Junior

In a remarkable turnaround, it took Alfa Romeo just five days to announce a fresh name for its electric car.

Although the company maintained that the Milano name met all legal requirements, in the ‘spirit of mutual understanding’, Alfa opted to change it to Junior instead.

The Junior badge previously appeared as a trim level on the Giulia coupe of the 1960s. No Italian government ministers have objected to the new name, yet…

Aspark Owl

Japanese manufacturer Aspark claims its fully-electric Owl is the fastest-accelerating production car in the world, capable of 0-60mph in 1.69 seconds. It has a range of almost 280 miles, a 248mph top speed and total power of over 2,000hp. On-road testing is underway and the 50-car production run is all set to commence. What’s not to like? Well, we have a few questions around calling a world-beating hypercar ‘Owl’.

Nikola Badger

American truck company Nikola is pushing ahead with a new pick-up. Powered by electric batteries or a hydrogen fuel cell (with up to 906hp!), it’s a fiendishly clever piece of kit. Sadly, its name – Badger – conjures up images of small animals squashed at the roadside.

Skoda Enyaq iV

Skoda says the name of its Enyaq iV electric crossover – seen here in Tour de France livery – is derived from the Irish ‘Enya’, meaning ‘source of life’. That’s as maybe, but as a name for a car, we wish it would sail away, sail away, sail away…

Ford Probe

What were they thinking? The Ford Probe. Really, Ford? REALLY?

Great Wall Wingle

Head over to the Urban Dictionary to discover why Wingle isn’t a great name for a supposedly butch pick-up.

Daihatsu Applause

The Daihatsu Applause was little more than a mediocre car of the 1990s. Probably worthy of a slow hand clap, but a round of applause? Nope.

Ford Aspire

Would anyone really aspire to owning a car that looked like this? Of course they wouldn’t, so put away the book of motivational speaking, Ford.

Renault Wind

Only the Brits would find this amusing. The idea of a car called the Wind appeals to our end-of-the-pier sense of humour.

Ferrari LaFerrari

Even Ferrari can get it wrong. Essentially, this is called the ‘Ferrari The Ferrari’. It’s the kind of stunt you’d expect from a cosmetics firm. Not Ferrari.

Honda Lagreat

Ah, that’s better. Give yourself a pat on the back if you owned a Honda Lagreat (known in the UK as the Shuttle) and called it Alexander.

Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard

The ‘MU’ in Isuzu MU stands for Mysterious Utility. Quite where the Wizard bit came from is anyone’s guess. Sadly, in the UK we had to make do with the Vauxhall Frontera.

Daihatsu Naked

What do Avril Lavigne, Leona Lewis, Neneh Cherry, Reef and the Spice Girls all have in common? They’ve all written a song about the Daihatsu Naked. True dat.

Peugeot Moonster

It’s a crazy concept, so we can kind of excuse the stupid name. But Moonster, really? Next you’ll be telling us about a Skoda Roomster. Oh, wait…

Honda Joy Machine

In order to appeal to a younger audience, Honda marketed the original HR-V as the Joy Machine. And you thought a Joy Machine was something you ordered from Ann Summers

Datsun Fairlady

The Datsun Fairlady. Named in honour of a musical starring Audrey Hepburn. Probably.

Kia Provo

Kia has given the world some pretty cool motor show concept cars in recent years. But the marketing team should have spent some time on Wikipedia before settling on this name.

Yamaha Pantryboy Supreme

It’s easy to find the Yamaha Pantryboy Supreme. Just take a look down aisle three, in the baking section, next to the ready-roll pastry.

Suzuki Every Landy

The Suzuki Every was bad enough. But with the Suzuki Every Landy, you’re really spoiling us.

Mazda Bongo Friendee

Ah, everyone’s favourite stupid car name. The Mazda Bongo Friendee can often be seen surrounded by a haze of blue smoke in your local Morrisons car park.

Honda Life Dunk

Well slam dunk the funk, it’s the Honda Life Dunk. Yep, we can rap with the best of them.

Isuzu Bighorn

You can understand why Isuzu would want to associate their rugged off-roader with a US canyon. But it kind of gets lost in translation. Hey, can anyone remember where I parked my bighorn?

Oldsmobile Achieva

Straight out of the middle management textbook. The perfect car for over Achievas – it’s the new Oldsmobile.

Nissan Hardbody

Again, this probably sounded sensible in the focus group. But announcing over dinner that you’ve just bought a Hardbody may result in a few titters.

Vauxhall Movano and Vivaro

Vauxhall had clearly been watching too much of Vic and Bob’s Shooting Stars when they came up with the Movano and Vivaro names.

Nissan Cedric

Rumour has it the Nissan Cedric was going to be called the Nissan Terry in the UK…

Nissan Gloria

And the Nissan Gloria would have been called the Nissan June.

Growler E 2011

Top Gear’s favourite: the Growler. And you thought the Swiss didn’t have a sense of humour.

Subaru Brat

The Subaru Brat was OK until you damaged the bodywork. Then it became a Spoiled Brat.

Honda That’s

Is that your car? No, that’s my car. Oh, never mind…

Mitsubishi Mighty Max

The L200 was known as the Mighty Max in some markets. You just know that someone called Mighty Max wouldn’t have been mighty at all. Mind you, Mitsubishi also gave the world the Mini Active Urban Sandal and the Mum 500 Shall We Join Us?

Nissan Micra Wave

Whatever Nissan does in the future, it can never be excused for giving the world the Nissan Micra Wave. Hashtag facepalm.

Mitsubishi Carisma

The Mitsubishi Miserable. The Mitsubishi Charmless. The Mitsubishi Soulless. The Mitsubishi Drizzle. The Mitsubishi Doldrums. Five names more appropriate than the Mitsubishi Carisma.

Volkswagen Thing

To be fair, the Volkswagen Thing should be filed under good names. “I’m just off for a drive in the Thing, darling.” Yep, that’s cool.

Austin Chummy

The Chummy. Words fail us.

Mazda Scrum Truck

The Scrum Truck. It’s hard as nails, but it smells of sweat and you wouldn’t want to get stuck in the middle of one.

Mazda Bongo Brawny

The Bongo Brawny. Mazda, are you on a quest to dominate this gallery? If so, you’re doing a pretty good job.

Mazda Proceed Marvie Wild Breeze

Sorry, but now you’re just being silly. The Mazda Proceed Marvie Wild Breeze? You’re just putting names in a hat and pulling them out one by one, aren’t you?

Mitsubishi Pistachio

The Mitsubishi Pistachio. You’d have to be nuts to think that name was a good idea.

Lancia Dedra

Top tip, you might want to avoid names that sound like dead. The Lancia Deirdre would have been better. Marginally.

Kia Sportage

It might not be the worst offender, but when you take a step back and think about it, Sportage sounds like the name of a really cheap and foul smelling body spray you might buy from a budget supermarket.

Ford Pampa

In the Ford marketing meeting, naming a pick-up after the vast plains of South America might have seemed like a good idea. In reality, it makes it sound like a disposable nappy.

Dacia Jogger

The word ‘Jogger’ conjures up images of fluorescent sweatbands and Lycra shorts. Or maybe that’s just us. Still, it’s arguably a better name than ‘Duster’ – as Dacia’s existing family SUV is known.

Smart ‘Hashtag 1’

When the Smart #1 was announced, we sensibly assumed it was called the ‘number 1’. But no – the correct pronunciation is apparently ‘hashtag 1’ – an attempt to give the car a youthful image. It’s the kind of slightly anonymous electric crossover that Instagrammers drive, right? The irony being, of course, that its numeric name makes photos of the #1 harder to find on social media.