Driving can be a nightmare if you have claws for hands. Or indeed if you’re clasping a blood-soaked chainsaw. Yet the stars of horror films face such challenges on a daily basis.
We’d previously heard tell that Freddy Krueger is on his third Honda Jazz, while Hannibal Lecter prefers a 2003 Rover 75. However, the truth is altogether scarier; the cars of these stars are even more terrifying than the characters themselves.
To celebrate Halloween 2016, the team at Carwow has produced a series of sketches revealing the cars horror films stars (probably) drive. Fasten your seatbelts for a thrill ride…
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Jason Voorhees – Friday the 13th
The Fiat 500 is usually cute, cuddly and about as threatening as a labrador puppy chasing a toilet roll. But strap on a Jason-style hockey mask and suddenly this Italian supermini can strike fear into the most hardened Mafia hitman. Note the machete wedged in the windscreen and the bloodstains on the wheels. This 500 is actually the sporty Abarth 595 – so you can run, but you can’t hide.
As Carwow points out, ‘the Mercedes-AMG G63 is built from very old parts, stitched together and reanimated by a multitude of life-support systems’. Just like Frankenstein’s monster himself, then. This off-roader started life as the G-Wagen in 1979 and remains a favourite with the German Army. The ballistic G63 has a 544hp twin-turbo V8 and sounds like a lobotomised zombie roaring at the moon.
Freddy Krueger – Nightmare on Elm Street
Anyone who watched Matt LeBlanc on Top Gear knows the Ariel Nomad is unstoppable on tough terrain. It’s the ultimate pursuit vehicle – and thus perfect for Nightmare on Elm Street villain Freddy Krueger to chase-down his victims. The spikes on the front wheelarches match those on Freddy’s gloves, while the car’s chassis has been colour-coded to match his jumper. Well, that’s thoughtful.
Ghostface – Scream
Some might say the scariest thing about an Alfa Romeo 4C are the potential bills. After all, Alfas aren’t known for their reliability – and repairing that carbonfibre chassis wouldn’t be cheap. But morph the 4C’s visage into an Edvard Munch-style Scream mask and it becomes even more terrifying. On the plus side, it least it doesn’t have the standard car’s horrible headlights.
The Grady twins – The Shining
Like the Fiat 500, the humble Smart ForTwo isn’t usually a vehicle you’d associate with skin-crawling horror. But then neither is a tricycle – the other chariot of choice for the Grady twins from The Shining. If this outwardly-innocent pair followed us down the corridors of the Outlook Hotel, we’d be rightly terrified. Not least because they could perform a swift U-turn if you tried to run the other way.
Does Count Dracula of Transylvania drive a Mazda MX-5? We’d have thought a hearse was more his style. However, perhaps Carwow has a point. The latest model boasts suitably sharp-edged styling and ‘bat-like agility’. This version sports matte-black paint, a pair of fangs in the front grille, a blood-red interior and a flowing cape.
Xenomorph – Alien
Silent but deadly, the all-electric Tesla Model X has more in common with Alien‘s iconic Xenomorph than you might think. Both are striking to look at, widely misunderstood, and – if Tesla is to be believed – both will soon be multiplying fast. This sinister Model X has a front-mounted charging cable hidden within its inner mouth. Because even aliens run out of juice eventually.
Leatherface – The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We assumed ‘Leatherface’ was a not-particularly-flattering nickname for Iggy Pop. In fact, he’s the chainsaw-wielding bad guy in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Using an all-American Dodge Ram 1500 pick-up gives our murdering madman plenty of space for his tools – and his victims. Equally, an oversized leather car bra keeps all that shiny chrome clean.
Pinhead – Hellraiser
The standard Citroen C4 Cactus comes with Airbumps on its doors to prevent parking scrapes. Pinhead, however, has modified his car for the exact opposite purpose. Pity the unsuspecting motorist who parks too close to this four-wheeled pincushion. Carwow also explains that ‘the inside has been fitted out with storage for various instruments of torture or cursed puzzle boxes as needed’.
Hannibal Lecter – The Silence of the Lambs
We end with Hannibal the Cannibal – for our money, the most terrifying movie monster of all. Doctor Lecter has replaced his Jeep Wrangler’s usual seven-slot front grille with a sinister muzzle, while the boot is loaded with a crate of his favourite Chianti. If this turns up to your dinner party, just bolt the door and pray for help. Happy Halloween.
Thanks to Carwow for the selection of Halloween car images